Mindfulness as a waking, walking meditation

According to Maxwell Maltz (1960) there are behaviors that contribute to a "success-type personality." He developed an acronym as a mnemonic or easy way of remembering the elements of the behaviors:

S = sense of direction
U = understanding
C = courage
E = esteem
S = self confidence
S = self-acceptance

He provides additional explanation on how each of these elements contributes to accomplishing or having a "successful" life. He states that "(t)he reason .... that a man does not simply 'find' success or 'come to' failure (is that) ....  (h)e carries their seeds around in his personality and character" (p.102)

This viewpoint is of the social construction variety. We create the social world we live in by our actions and attitudes.  Our actions contribute to what happens. Our attitudes contribute to how we feel about that happens. A basic element of his prescription for success is to focus on the process not the product. Being successful is differentiated from wanting to be a success. Maltz suggests that success is hidden in the process of becoming rather than embedded in the state of "being."

"S" or Sense of direction is related to the idea that we are happiest when we are attempting to do something or engaging in an experience. Maltz says that the human animal is a "goal-seeking mechanism." We are happiest when we are busiest working on a project or doing something which "means something." He gives a nod to concept of "flow" without ever mentioning the word when he suggests that "(w)hen you are not goal-striving, not looking forward, you're not really 'living' ."(p. 102) This immersion in goal seeking is what I am suggesting is akin to 'flow' where you are absorbed in what you are doing.

But I sat down today to peck out a hunk of what Maltz has to say about the second element of the success personality. "U" or understanding is listed second. I don't think he necessarily intended to list them in order of importance just providing meanings to correspond to the letters in the work 'success."

"U" is understainding. Maltz says that:(u)nderstanding depends upon good communication. Communication is vital to any guidance system or computer. You cannot react appropriately if the information you act upon is faulty or misunderstood. Many doctors believe that "confusion" is the basic element in neurosis To deal effectively with a problem, you must have some understanding of its true nature. Most of our failures in human relations are due to "misunderstandings." (p.105)

The idea of understanding is further explained to include the idea that (w)e expect people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of "facts" or 'circumstances.' " Maltz reminds us that he had mentioned earlier in the book that people don't react to things "as they are" but rather as we see them to be based on our own perspective, perceptions and conclusions. This is very similar to the concepts propounded in the Landmark Forum which some have characterized as a cult or commercial scam. However, counsels "there is what happened and then there is the story we tell about what happened." This is very similar to maxim shared by Maltz but also consistent with existential thought and social constructionism.

Other aspects of understanding include being able to differentiate fact from fiction. An example used is a husband who cracks his knuckles and his wife who concludes that he does it only to annoy her. The experience is explained as the wife is making the assumption that the husband is deliberately trying to annoy her  which are fiction. But her assumption affects her experience of the situation and results in her choosing to be annoyed by the imaginary intent of the husband. We make other assumptions about the intentions of others with similar results. Also, being willing to see the truth is another element of "understanding" is to "be willing to see the truth." This is meant that honesty with ourselves and with others is necessary for true understanding. It sort of suggests that if you have an incorrect (false) diagnosis of the problem it will result in a incorrect (false) prescription for the solution. A suggested attitude in this regard is "it doesn't matter who's right, but what's right."

These first two steps are preliminary but important. While we have been talking about these concepts applied on a personal basis they are also relevant when we look at collective behavior. There are behaviors that groups adopt that reflect these same problems or their corrective principles. Healing ourselves emotionally is the purpose and intent of these ideas. Change the frame and change the future.




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Today dawning full of grace

I awoke in D.C. today. I arrived last night and fully expected to find myself here. But more importantly I awoke. I am happy about that. It appears that I may see an old friend tonight. When I was in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago I saw my old firend's son briefly.

This guy (the son) was in the same class as my daughter from pre-school to about fourth grade. Also, his parents were part of the same pan-africanist/cultural Black nationalist community that my wife and I were part of in the 70s and early 80s. As it happens, the parents split and went their separate ways. I saw the mother in San Diego this past spring. She is doing well. Her health is failing but she perseveres. I would visit the father (my old friend)  on each trip to D.C. in the early to mid-90s. But I stop calling on him because it seemed to me to increasingly be an imposition on him and his family life.

The mother told me her son was in New Orleans and suggested that I contact him on my next trip down. Brenda and I planned for the New Orleans trip for about four or five months. During this period I often thought to call the mother and tell her we were going as well as alert the son. But I did neither. Imagine my surprise when I spied him across the room in the convention hall in New Orleans.

Today, after breakfast, my co-worker and I were exiting the restaurant and paused to ask for directions when I recognized the brother walking down the hall. I called to him and he turned looking quizically for the voice summoning him. We embraced and exchanged greeings. He stated that he was trying to arrange lunch with his father and I should join them. I agreed and emailed the father to alert him to our plans.

He suggest that we meet with his father tonight at 8:00 p.m. Me and the father were fairly close associates during a very intense period of his life that saw him going through a number of personal changes. I don't know that I offered much comfort to my friend during that period because I was very judgmental in my youth. I had not experienced any doubts and felt no one else had to unless they chose to. During this time he split with the mother of the boy that is meeting with us, remarried and then split with that wife and his approximately six month old daugther to enter a different relationship. I did not look kindly on that behavior and tried to counsel him in what I considered the error of his ways.

Ideas about family and commitment mixed with our then social and political philosophy of nation building Black nationalism. Of course, there were my own values that were grounded not only in the intellecual idealism of the nationalist political philosphy but also in the traditionalist Southern values of my youth. Suffice it to say that while I judged him I didn't reject him. Even then during my most judgmental period I held to the belief in redemption.

I am please to have this opportunity for a new beginning.





This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.